At least I know he isn't in my room very often....

I find it to be pretty accurate

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Stability |||||||||||||||| 70% Orderliness |||||| 26% Accommodation |||||||||||||||| 63% Interdependence |||||||||||| 43% Intellectual |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Mystical |||||||||| 36% Artistic || 10% Religious || 10% Hedonism |||||||||||| 50% Materialism || 10% Narcissism |||||||||||||||| 70% Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Work ethic |||||||||||||| 56% Self absorbed |||||||||||| 50% Conflict seeking |||||||||||||||||| 76% Need to dominate |||||||||||||||| 70% Romantic |||||||||||||| 56% Avoidant |||||||||||||| 56% Anti-authority |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Wealth || 10% Dependency || 10% Change averse || 10% Cautiousness |||||||||| 36% Individuality |||||||||||||||||| 76% Sexuality |||||||||||| 50% Peter pan complex |||||| 30% Physical security |||||||||||||||| 63% Physical Fitness |||||||||||||||||||| 84% Histrionic |||||||||||||| 56% Paranoia |||||||||||||||| 70% Vanity |||||||||||| 43% Hypersensitivity |||||| 23% Female cliche |||||| 30%

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A Brave New World

Day breaks on a new time. Suns rays searching the crevices of my life looking for the truth in the folds of flesh that make up my face. I turn towards the light. My mind in bloom. I do not yet see the future for its folly or the past for its wisdom. I choose to revel in today. A turncoat leaf springing to life...

I got me a job again for the first time in a while. Strange how the little green pieces of recycled denim feel in your hands. I am glad to be employed even though work requires a forty-five minute walk each way. Steps in the right direction I suppose. I walk past a brand new gym every work day. I think I may join.

I have met a beautiful and intriguing man. One who shares in membership of the Secret Society. His friends don't seem to approve of me though I could be beating myself up as per usual. I try to win their approval without sacrificing me in the process. Isn't that always the most uncomfortable struggle to endure? I hope things continue in the best of directions. He makes me so strangely happy. Sometimes I wonder if he sees that. Sometimes I wonder if I am able to do the same for him. Only time will tell they say. We shall see.

Live Like You Are Dying

New Horizons

So, the world is changing again. A kaleidoscope of colors swirling swiftly past my eyes. The world is fucking insane. Just as one is fully starting to accept life as one sees it with all its insanity and its forbidden fruits (e.g. love and happiness in a manner one dreams of,) the world is abruptly turned on ear. It is lucky I am so resilient, I believe. I am adept enough to ride the waves or rather tsunamis that the world throws at me constantly. Let me quickly clarify though... Not all these tsunamis are made of bad things. They simply change, drastically, my way of viewing my world. My personal paradigm shift. So, hmmm....

What does one do when one accepts a life less perfect, but shortly there after is offered something a little more perfect? Should I continue onward down a path that I am less content with, ultimately, though it will lead to less pain and grief? More than likely, at least. Or do I take said risks? Walk through open doors of unconfirmed possibilities? I described myself as a Pathfinder. Yes. I guess to that end I am obligated to take the risks. The rewards are greater for risktakers, as are the hazards. Maybe I am simply addicted to the high of taking risks. Or suffer from terminal optimism. Who knows? Choices, choices.

"I am a jumper!" - Betty Dead Like Me

The Son Also Rises

I watch the world today. A slurry of borrowed belligerence and stolen tragedy. I am tired of the sullen-souled courtship so many have with their mediocre lives. Where are the lights that rejoice to dance in rainbow form? The whole-bodied spirits that spark on the sky as it darkly slides beneath them? There seems no more a source from which the inspired come. I will not attend anymore emotional funerals. I want to dance and sing. I hear the silver-tongued bell of my wakeup call. Bright. Sharp. Harbinger of greater things than I. I will not go down with the dulled life of the throng. A phoenix knows no fate as such. I am strong of will and mind and heart. My tower built on the corpses of my failures, for, in them, lies my purest truths. My loudest secrets and private skin. I am so ready.

For the longest time, I lived in fear that no one would be there to go under with me. What I failed to realize was that I was not leaving him behind but being left behind by him. I am playing catch up now, but I am excited. I have a life to build; a world to reconstruct anew. Why shouldn't I be thrilled and nervous and confused? A life may be simple to create physically, but it still takes a stout heart to build one more esoteric. I have the chance of a lifetime, and this is where I need to remember. Recall my mistakes and muster the troops. Homeland security historically has been more difficult than all out battlefields and strategy.

So, I will walk alone for now until I can catch up to him. Whoever he is. I am not going to sulk of my problems or cry for myself. I will not drown in myself as so many before have done. And sadly, so many still do. Life is not made for mourning. It is a celebration. Jovial and cathartic. He will know that better than I, and show me things I have been choosing to ignore from a splendid light he exudes deep inside. My name means "warrior of light." Guess it is time I started to act like it.

The Day That Gay Died

Don't get your panties in a knot ladies. The fat bitch ain't sung yet. But I do feel she is backstage warming up. I mean I feel like I am watching what little "culture" we fags had slowly drown in our own stupidity. People don't seem to care about anything excepting this obsessive materialism we now see. It is money, drugs, and big dicks running for all of our symbolic polkitical offices and no real candidates to be seen. No one cares about a damend thing but the superficial. I even catch myself geting wrapped up in it. Ugh I cannot even talk on this at the moment.

The Ties That Bind

Strange the catalyst of connections I have become in my world. Strange to see the way things fall when you let them all go. Even stranger to see the hatred that some can hold for so long. I cannot help what I am. And I cannot change what it is that you choose to make out of that fundament. That is on your soul I suppose. I thought that I was able to stop the way I change the world if I just willed myself to do nothing in it. Seems not to be the case. I am destined to shape the future whether I am willing to do so or not.

So, there comes my question. Is it better to steer the current though I don't whether I am truly right or not OR is it better to let it change unaltered consciously?

It is apparent I cannot stop the effect. All I truly have control over is whether I make an attempt to drive or let it go on auto-pilot. I will always be a soul with a Sharpie. Some call it art and others graffiti.

Strange to know as the decades pass that I will have left an indelible mark on the fabric of those I touch. Often much to my own chagrin. Strange to be given a "gift" and not have a clue what to do with it in the end.