Please Hear What I Am Not Saying

"Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask, I wear a thousand masks.
Masks that I'm afraid to take off,
And none of them are me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me;
But don't be fooled, for God's sake don't be fooled!
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
That all is sunny and unruffled in me,
Within as well as without, That confidence is my name and coolness is my game,
The water's calm and I'm in command,
And that I need no one, But don't believe me.

My surface may seem smooth, my surface is my mask,
My ever-varying and ever-concealing mask.

Beneath lies no smugness; no complacency.
Beneath dwells the real me, in confusion, in fear, in aloneness,
But I hide this.
I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear being exposed,
That is why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
A nonchalant, sophisticated facade, to help me pretend,
To shield me from the glance that knows,
But such a glance is precisely my salvation.

That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
If it's followed by love,
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself.
From my own self-built prison walls,
From the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me of what i can't assure myself...
That I'M really worth something...
But I don't you this, I don't dare... I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance and love.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh...
And your laugh would kill me.

I'm afraid deep down I'm nothing, that I'm just no good,
And that you will see this and reject me.
So, I play my game, my desperate pretending game.
And my life becomes a front."


Interesting little anonymous poem I found.....