"He is wisest among you who admits he is least wise"

Now, class be seated. Thanks for the apple, Canadian Kid.

I am, to put it frankly, pissed off. Those who know me well know certain truths integral to the interpretation of my prophecies. I know most of them would understand yesterday's post for which I still make not a single excuse. I will never ever again apologize for how I feel. Not to you, nor your alleged gods. I am a human being and therefore am imbued with the right and obligation to feel however I want to freely and openly. Normally, I am the type that will have emotions somewhere deep inside where I burn them to run an elaborate smoke and mirror establishment on the surface. One so effective that few ever see or bother to conceptualize below my facade. I have severe Bipolar Disorder that has led to me having two bitingly close attempts at suicide. No one saw it coming at all until was in a hospital both times. Why? Well, the Canuck has presumed apparently that I won't ask for help because I am arrogant lil drama queen. WE live in America so he is begrudgingly allowed his opinion. Regardless the reality. But as is the American way and right, everything shall be fair and balanced. I wrote what I wrote last post for one reason and one person. My survival and growth and the person was myself. I don't like sharing emotions. So, for me to do so t o not only those who love me, but those who do not know me from Adam, was in my personal beliefs an act of bravery. I never wanted people to see into the torture that is mental illness and pity instead of stand beside me. So, for almost all my life I hid the barbarism of my mind from the majority. Yesterday, I quite simply said everything I FELT and was brutally honest. Though, if we will refer to the handouts ( or directly below) bearing the verbiage of yesterdays post, one can note I never said I was right or wrong. Now, therein, lies the crux of my discussion. If we hypothesize that I did not assert anything but my own personal and extraordinarily PRIVATE inner feelings for the benefit of getting them out alone, and not simply to piss and moan. To grow and change through a more cathartic emotional outlet. The question then arises: Who makes the rules of emotions? Who tells you , my readers, you are allowed to FEEL a certain way? And in a day and age when people are already judged upon everything down to their appearance and financial status, is it not that all we have left as human that remains sacred is our right to FEEL as instinctively as we can. I never defended my feelings I simply stated them. I, evidentially with much foolishness, thought that if I gave people an honest, unfiltered view to my state then they COULD help me. They would understand my crippling fears and misguided realities. I have suffered and lost everything to this same damned disease several times. I almost died and have been arrested several times in the midst of psychotic breaks. I take responsibility for those things both personally and legally. I am more than acutely aware of each and every one of my faults. So, for someone who was reaching, pleading, begging for a light in the dark, for an ounce of "thank you for your candor" I was disgusted at the response.

YES DISGUSTED! I would never presume to denigrate someone for their feelings. To attack a human for having faults and having "the balls" to lay them bare. That was the singularly most incredulous response. In so many words I was told: "You fucking suck. Please die. Or come to me for the answers." I was not asking for answers. I have a shrink. I spoke to her early this afternoon and discussed the likelihood of having myself put in a crisis stabilization unit tomorrow. Yes, something to be real fucking proud of huh? I know well enough that I need help and I know well enough I have a place to get it. You were an asshole simply. You did not try to help. You just judged a situation you, now apparent to my readers and verifiable with the state of South Carolina, knew nothing about and proceeded to hurl scathing insults and hate. You don't know me. And now, frankly, I don't care if you ever do. What you did was wrong and you owe me and my sister an apology. She just lost a close friend to suicide because when he was lost everyone threw their stones from glass houses. Did you even think of the consequences of your words or did you climb up on your cross and practice long distance therapy on a person you have never seen face to face. Get off your soap box. Hypocrite. You can't help anybody cuz you cannot see any path but the one you took yourself. That won't work for anyone BUT you. Yes, I understand OH VENERABLE ONE that you have made it through some shit. But I assure you with barely the tip of proverbial iceberg exposed you got too close and sunk your boat this time. If you would have approached me as a stranger and in I mean the way I expect MYSELF to behave and asked what the matter was or if having your experience might I wish to have some assistance, I may or may not have chose to listen. But in the end guy that is my choice. You cannot make someone adhere to your philosophy on healing. In particular, having not a shred of background. But you went several steps beyond sinking the boat. You killed all the passengers onboard and burned the lifeboats. In what reality is it acceptable attack someone as a form of helping them up? You mention karma on your expansive list of things you so proudly know. I certainly hope you do not slip in the frosty tundra of your lil town. For the next person to help you up may think it best if they kicked you in the face. And you did nothing less. I will not allow people like you in my life. It is fucking hard enough. And no I do not want your sympathy. I want you to turn in your mirror for a change and see how you look these days with all this self exaltation. Hubris is a sin my poor Christ child. And surely this should be the "wake up call" you needed. You are not helping with being that way. You are making it worse between yourself and the youth and HIV+ people you think you are saving. Had this not been so inexcusably brutal an outburst, I may have thought you meant well. But I am afraid you are not going to be afforded that forgiveness. From me or much anyone.

Now, Ty, you are a separate issue entirely. And though you cannot find the class to wage your war on more appropriate battlefields I can. I will take this up with you perosnally when I get the point where I can. Ubtil then I ask you to refrain from having anymore tantrums on my pages. I sorely hope that you realize you fueled this attack on me.