Tell That Heifer To Wake Up

Cuz that unruly fat bitch must warble this evening. So, damn this is a sad moment. I have this friend. We'll call him "Larry." Well, he is at once both amazing to me and infuriating. He has some qualities that I envy so much and wish I had. To be honest, most of his "bad" qualities come from something dark inside him. Some horrible series of events that has rendered his soul sad and cold. As much as I liked his presence, the toxicity of the monster within trumped it hands down. I don't hate him. I actually dug him tons. But it was simply ignorant for me to think I, one simple man with more flaws than is allowed by laws of nature, could help someone else when I cannot help me. I know I am not strong enough to fend off the attacks this thing makes from deep inside him. Shit! I am not even smart enough to make him see it when it happens. I just get hurt so bad by the things that happen that I can do little to keep from lashing out in fear let alone help him like I should. I don't know if anyone else has dealt with this part of him or if I was dealt the "blessing" being the the only one to make him act that way. I hope it is just me because then my decision to remove myself from the equation is that much more logical. If it is not just me, I pray that the person or people that can help him find himself and make him whole again. I know he has been through more than he will ever admit, and I know more than I will ever say in his defense. I just can't take the pain I get from him and that is my own weakness at fault. If I could be stronger, then I could stand by him and show him I care but my heart is of the weakest variety and I guard it with ridiculous fervor. I am sorry, kiddo. I wanted to help. I just make it worse. Take care and you would do best to forget you ever knew me.