Though We Dance Alone

We dance the same steps. I learned this while talking to one of my three Wise Men of Charlotte. They are the guys I have trusted to have a care for my being while I am residing here. He was relaying to me how a guy he spent 10 months trying to have nothing but a fuck buddy relationship with in spite of the insistence of said boy that they date. The Wiseman, having been through decades of on again off again relationship with Heartbreak, was guarded and understandably reticent about getting in a relationship with anyone that consisting of anything more than sex and hanging out. Over the course of the ensuing months the whole situation started to wear at the fortifications that he had built haphazardly around his heart. Finally after all that time, Wednesday night the he said the magic the words that he had been denying this boy for ten months. In that moment, I saw so much of the romantic in me. (Of course, his was not bearing torture scars and currently stored in an unnamed closet in my heart.) And as I also knew that this was a bad story, I turned to that bitch locked in the closet and said, "Look at his face. That is why we keep you too starved to move!"

Well, the aforementioned bastard, ignored my friend for a week. When in worry from his own admittance and in my opinion a bit of comprehensible desperation, he showed up at the guy's house. Very adult. I would have blown that bitch's car up lol. And as if Aaron Spelling himself had orchestrated the event, a casually dressed guy answers the door. Swiftly after which, Bastard intervenes. he explains that he had been avoiding Wiseman because did want to own up to having returned to his ex-boyfriend. Freeze Frame! Yes, this in and of itself, is some shitback mess. Oh, but let us watch as the Fates go in for the kill... Flash! Inside head of Wiseman: EX-BOYFRIEND!!! There was never an indication that one of those existed!

Now, audience, this is from the man who has for months professed the undying L-word to which Wiseman kept his stoic platonic face. I cannot imagine the embarrassment that is parachuting tandem with Self-Hate and their cousins right into the soul of the vulnerable Wiseman. You know I think most people would think that he could not be very wise if he fell prey to this guys. Quite the contrary. I think it takes more bravery to attempt again at something that failed the first and every try since.

Here is the crux. I place my Wisemen above me each in their own rights. I know that for whatever reason I chose them they are superior to me in that aspect of life. Now, I have made the fatal mistake of imbuing them with superhuman infallibility. They are wise in their assignrf areas but nonetheless human. One wise man falls prey to love's adder. Another acts like a spoiled child who believes the world revolves around him, and the third has a sex addiction Heidi Fleiss would be hard pressed to contain. They are humans. Innately flawed by birthright. Humans are born to make mistakes, learn, and grow. In either better or worse, growth is their imperative and privilege. I like that idea. Kind of humbling in its simply ubiversality. No cultural means or social dynamic can stop or undermine that one simple principle. I am no better nor am I any worse than you at being human.

Or so I wanted to think. Then Zarathustra came and spoke. That on another day.