I decided, tonight, that I really like Ty. I have no problem saying that without reservation. For a little while now, I have wondered whether I did, or if I was simply intrigued by an equal. Then, something happened. A choice was given me. I would like to say it was difficult, but that would connote that I was hesitant, or that I truly contemplated this alternative. I didn't. I did think a good bit, but not as you would imagine. I thought and said actually to my roommate this: Ty should be glad I like him so much.
Then, it struck me. Wow! I am mad digging on this guy. Strange how you come to accept or realize these things. I knew something was up between us. I knew I felt abnormally comfortable with him. I was aware that I was choosing to ignore the inate sense that I was where I should be. I chose not to dig deeper into the reasoning behind it. At the same time, I kept a certain reserve because of issues I had. Maybe fears that I THINK he has.
On his birthday, he seemed to have had some strange epiphany. The way he looked at me was amazing. His eyes shone brighter than I have seen before. We didn't speak much. I just lied on the couch my head on his chest our legs entwined and listened to his heartbeat. I felt safe and calm. And in my world, those are commodities that I come by rarely. The movie rolled by in a brilliant technicolor of white noise. I was enraptured in the moment which ended all too fast, but I had this feeling that it must. Like I wanted to be away from the perfection of it before I had time to fuck it up.
He makes me happy. Though it is early, I am content with where things seem to be headed. I am practicing a great degree of restraint in so many ways when it comes to "us." I want it (if it IS) to be right and unadulterated. I want my next voyage in those murky waters to be smooth and well-guided. Be it with him or another, and I am willing to wait the tides. But I can't help but think, as this ship breaks the horizon, that it may be mine. So, wish me safe sailing and may the wind be at my back. This Messiah has declared a good bit of faith in his beliefs.
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3 comments:
I think that one day I will throw your cell phone off this ship we're sailing on, into the ocean, so that your exes will stop calling you.
Ahh. That was all hallmark and rainbows. I liked what you said even if you had a gum drop fairy wispering in your ear. Please, enough cuteness time to be Lou for the next blog.
I have NEVER lived on cotton candy clouds, no need to worry about that. C'mon, one day you say my blogs are too dark and depressing, the next day you say I'm too Hallmark. I guess I'll have to find a happy medium for you, sis.
=0)
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